To those I've envied...

It can happen anywhere, at any given moment.  And you're especially prone if you enjoy people watching. The opportunity exists on tv, magazines, sidewalks, parties, and facebook.  Every where I go I find myself watching for clothes, pets, houses, cars and relationships that I would like.  You look at the context, the cues and the "results" and you think, "if I had more of ___ or less ____ I could have _____."  Some days, when I've spent WAY too much time perusing the electronic lives of others I get a really bad case of the "poor me's".  How can I not?  Just look at how much fun she is having on vacation and look how clever he is.  Look how cute they are together and what a nice job she has.

When you encounter someone that has that boyfriend that yours should learn from, or the apartment that I should move into, we make such a snap judgement on ourselves, and on them, that what they've got tops what we have.  I don't know about you but I am definitely prejudiced about these judgements.  I don't spend a lot of time trying to find the exceptions or the subtleties that might render my reality preferable.  Nope.  They're luckier, happier, better.  From the slightest comment or the one "telling" photo, I can conjure a whole biography of this lucky person.

So maybe that's a human condition.  Maybe we all tend towards envy.  So what?

Well today I'm thinking of those that I've envied whom I later changed my mind about.  These people stand out.  In particular the friends, or mutual acquaintances that you have over the years.  You know them well enough to have a pretty full picture of their life.  In a relationship for 4.5 years, two dogs, a condo on Capitol Hill and a degree from....  They may dress better than you or have more well-shaped opinions or whatever.  And you appreciate them while you envy them.

But then one day you get the call, or read the posting, or stumble into one of them alone in the grocery store.  And it becomes clear that she got laid off and he's dating a 19 year old and the whole world you had painted as their thumbnail is no longer...or never was.  Sometimes, these moments provide so much information that you learn that most of that thumbnail was just your own projections of what their life must be based off....what?  Their clothes?  Their soundbites?  Whatever it is that we base our value judgements on, the person that we've decided has it all and then some was really just like us all along.

Or maybe they weren't.  Maybe they didn't have it half as good as I do.  Why now am I just considering all that I have going for me?  Regardless, I am.  In the wake of another's tragedy I am reminded just how much I have to be thankful for.  Envy seems so silly!

How many times have you been appalled by the reality of someone you thought you knew?  I bet you've got a really awful story conjured up already.  People who personified what you view as normalcy until you found out about their parents, or their secret hobby.  Yes, I know it would be more exciting if I gave an example.  But honestly, you get the point.

So today I'm suggesting we stop being so hard on ourselves, and on our little corner of the world that we call our life.  Let's be proponents.  Don't feel guilty being honest about how amazing your dog really is (Burton's the very best and YOU know it :-) and how well your boyfriend treats you (every single day).  Not because it might make someone envious of me, but because my envy doesn't get to eat at me today.  Today I will instead be nourished by my own reality.  No hollywood actress gets to walk anonymously down the waterfront and slip quietly into a warm apartment that holds two creatures that think you're the coolest chic on the block.  No amount of designer clothing will beat the sweats and boyfriend T-shirts I'll relax in as I eat my 5 star dinner prepared by my A+ boyfriend.

Not only does this appreciation make me happier, it also enables me to bestow the appropriate appreciation on those in my life that make it such a wonderful place to be.  And I hope it's not too much of a stretch to hope that it makes those around me who find themselves in a less than ideal situation believe in the possibility of a better future.  Not out of envy, but hope.